My words are few, my thoughts are
many. It has been long since I have last bothered to lay down these
thoughts. Long since I have found them worthy of the effort required
for me to impart them.
I find myself still here. Still lost. Still wandering. I know not if an end will ever fill my sight.
I have been told this world is endless.
I am finding that I agree.
Times
have changed for me. Rules I had laid aside to fulfill my own sick
needs have returned. I try to follow them. I sometimes succeed. I more
often fail.
I am trying.
I... I have friends now. I
think. At least there are those who care for me far more than I do for
myself. Or for them. This is a thought that brings me great pain. A
pain that is quite different from the burning ache in my head.
This
hurt is...it is good I think. It makes me think of things I never
before cared for and that makes my other woes lessen. I will learn in
time, this I know.
Those who once stood against me now stand, if
not with me, at least by me. Once enemies now guide my path to
something better. They are trying to save me. I know not yet if that
brings me joy. All I know is that deep within, somewhere that once
harbored a voice of hatred and rage is now being overfilled.
Whether
it is with the goodness they claim I hold within, or the slowly
stirring beginnings of something darker than any have ever witnessed
before... I do not know.
The world seems a little brighter now.
Know that I am trying...
