>>There is some violence contained in this. If you do not like such things, please do not read. You have been warned.
>>This is very late in coming. All of this occurred quite a while back and I am only now catching up. Sorry. ><
The
last dark dredges of sleep slowly fled the dank reaches of my mind to
lead me to one unpleasant conclusion. It appeared that I was not alone.
Rising
quickly from the depths of sleep I find the truth of my thoughts quite
disturbing to say the least. My simple slumbers had attracted something
of an audience. Not an audience I am pleased to meet. Already I can
feel my irritation growing, crawling as a thousand stinging ants
beneath my flesh drawing slowly to the deepest rage.
They merely
stood about now in seeming confusion at my awakening. What? Were they
to afraid to assault me where I slumbered? Too fearful to bring agony
to my silent form? Cowards the lot of them. They should have struck me
as I lay unaware. Foolishly they had waited. Had you not that entourage
stag you would have died long ago before my horns. So daft a creature.
But
he had them now and I am not one for sticking long to a battle I can
not win. But who is to say I must stick about? Must let them have their
one-sided war? No one.
Battle worn muscles tensed. I would not
turn from what would surely be my failure. My defeat. A play of taunts,
a tossing of wary gazes and I struck. Lurching forward straight into
blood and pain, but I would not be turned away yet. Not when I had the
chance to tear even more flesh from the stag's wretched hide.
It was not to be.
Pain.
A burning blossom of misery scorched through my unguarded side. The
fool had lances at his call, but I held the white hot cinders of hate
deep within, driving me onwards through the pain. Driving me to strike
through the pain. To rend and tear his flesh even as he speared deep
within my own.
But there is only so much I shall allow myself to
take. There are more advantages to running away. To striking out
unannounced. Only a few wounds marred my frame before I took to hooves
more than eager to place great distance between I and my attackers.
Only
to play a trick grown old with far to much use and turn razored hooves
to again lead me to the striped stag. I saw quickly I would have to
change this tactic for he was waiting, knowing well the dark plans I
had for him. Him and any others who would dare to stand between me and
that darkness swelling slowly from the rotten depths of my mind.
A
pain that had nothing to do with the stag or the many injuries he had
placed upon my form. A brutal agony that always lay, waiting, lurking
within my veins to send it's glee through me in a wave of misery.
Slowly it was building, drawing a deeper darkness to my vision. But I
am not running away. Not yet.
Only the solid jolt of horn to flesh would keep the burn at bay. I intended to do just that.
Though
my hooves seemed to lend me the greater speed my task was not so
simple. Even with the addition of a ghoul faced stag that seemed intent
on lending his own antlers to the fray. I fail my intentions with
little of the striped beasts blood to paint my horns. Even with help I
fail.
I blame them. The lovely little sweets. The darling little hearts. The damnable does.
Always they must stop me. Lead me astray.
Always...I let them.
I can not stand to tear their flesh as I want so badly to tear the stag's. Not them. Not these precious ones.
I turn. I run. There is nothing left for me here. Not with them about.
I
let slip a low sigh of annoyance through the dank covering, the face
that is not mine. Always I am stopped. Always I am led astray. Have I
lost my way? Will I not be led any longer? My path has become a
mystery. I can only dream that soon it will return to me.
But it
will not be today. Already I hear them behind me. Delicate hooves upon
earth made all the more a beauty by their presence.
I only wish I could see that beauty.
My
gaze casts back. How any could allow my darkness to sully these two
precious creatures I do not know. I can only watch as they approach.
One dark of body but gentle of spirit the other so light but such a
ferocious force that little body holds. I know this well. It shames me
to think of how it was she who guarded me. How I cowered behind her
tiny form...
Shameful beast that I am...
I do not
understand them. I do not know why they insist on staying by me even
knowing the terrible atrocities I have committed. Why, even now, they
comfort me.
I will never understand.
I am not given time to. Already the pounding of hooves approach. I am in no mood to meet their owner. I turn. I run.
The
massive oak with it's cavernous interior beckons to me through the
mists. It is the only place I feel...safe. Laying within it's icy
darkness I can let the shrouded world pass round and never care of what
happens outside of this dark little world.
I feel as though I reside within my own gloomy mind. Almost pleasant in it's own piteous way.
But
I am not left long in my silent ponderings. Out there, free from my
darker thoughts is a doe. Not any doe. Her. The paler of my two
watchers, protectors. I found myself drawn from the depths of the oak.
Drawn out to her.
I do not know why I walk with her. I should
tear her apart. Rend her with the spines of my horns, the blades of my
hooves, but I can not. My confusion is great, but dies before it can
drag me beneath it.
There is another. I can see her pale shadow
before me. Scent her on the wind. THE doe. The very one who led me into
this world of battle and misery.
Already I can feel the slow
boil of rage dragging through me. The spearing pains of memory. She!
She was one the one I wanted to rend! To tear!
My need was
great, my rage greater. I knew it would not last. The golden banded
stag was there with her and so many does surrounded her. So many
protected her.
I could at least have some fun with her. Keep the
little darling quivering on her hooves. A thought that lent glee to my
dark heart.
The stag was wary, annoyed at my presence. I care
not. Only the sight of her terror would appease me. It seems I shall
not be disappointed.
Hooves gouging earth sent me hurtling at
her only to turn away at the final moment. So close! To turn and come
barreling back into their little group.
A parry and thrust that
brought me great joy. I truly can not think of another time I have had
as much joy in my miserable little soul as when I saw fear in her eyes.
Sadly it seems my pleasure shall be short lived. Already the does are
guarding her, guiding me from my wants. Guiding me from her!
I
will let them. Only for the two dearest ones who reside within the
little mass. I do not deserve their kindness. Not this monstrous soul.
I let them draw me away. I will return. They will not stop me forever.
The end must come some day. Sadly I hope it is soon.
As I move
away, I am followed. It is my delicate protector. She seems to think I
am in need of her company. I do not show otherwise. It is
strangely...pleasing to have her about. I can not understand why. Why
one so precious would want to reside in the company of a miserable
creature such as myself...
It is quite fortunate I do not have long to ponder this.
In
the mist a shape takes form, for a moment my mind plays tricks in the
darkness. It appears to be him... that irritating thorn in my side, but
it is not. The stag that moves before us is one I have seen before. In
the presence of the feathered beauty who has drawn me away from many a
fight.
My thoughts are strangely amused. Ah...again a doe.
I
give a violent shake at the thought. That is of little matter. It
appears he has need of us to follow him. I see no reason to deny him
and I am quickly rewarded for it.
He has led us to the feathered
doe. I find it most shameful how difficult it proves for me to control
myself in the presence of others when my gaze alights upon her. I can
not stop my own traitorous limbs from casting me forward. Can not stop
the happily nuzzled greeting she draws from me. But something is
wrong... She seems oddly shy. A frightened parody of the delightful
creature I knew before.
A slow sensation begins to build,
drawing it's icy tendrils through my veins. It is a feeling I do not
understand. I try to shove it downwards, tear it away from me. Only
misery is allowed within the confines of my own form, not
this..sadness? I cast the thought away and none too soon.
Only
moments pass before I see her cowering, quivering in fear. It surely
can not be I? I turn, letting my eyes roam my little protector. It
could not be her? The feathered one had seemed almost happy in her
presence. Then the sounds of hooves echoing hollowly in the mist led me
to the true owner of her fear.
Just another deer. Nothing for
her to fear surely? But it is the deer she fears and many others who
come to pass. I can only turn spined antlers at them in warning time
and again for her sake. My own once guardian quick to do the same.
Again
and again I find myself turning others away from her. Trying
desperately to keep up with her fleeing form. I and the gentle guardian
all that keeps these imagined phantoms from her. I do not understand
but I shall do what I must. Her fear draws something from me. A thing I
had long thought dead.
The desperate need to protect...
Many
others come and are cast away with looks and warnings of violence until
we three stand alone. We three until the feathered little lovely again
runs. This time it seems her intentions are to run from us! I can not
help but follow. I need to know she will be okay.
I find her
huddled in misery beneath a great tree. The earth cradling her tiny
form. I know then I am not needed. I shall let her have this time. This
moment to lay with her own pain and fear. This is not something she can
be protected from. I give her trembling figure one final look, knowing
my misery is hidden from her. Hidden beneath this false face. I turn
away. I leave her to her own demons. I am sorry. My own demons are far
too great for me to save you in this. There is nothing I can do.
My
protector is here. Walking by my side as I leave a sorrowful creature
to lay alone in her own misery. There is nothing that will lend joy to
me now. How can any hold even the slightest glee in the face of such
pain? Not I.
Our walk is long and slow. Often the most curious
of longings fill me. I want so greatly to know your name my fierce
little friend. I am afraid I can not ask. I would never want the
corrupt resonance of my own dark voice to defile such a perfect
creature. It would seem I shall be left to guess at what beautiful
harmonies would ever deem to be your name. A pity I know none.
Our
walk, though silent and tainted with darker thoughts of sorrow, is
strangely pleasant. I could travel by your side for centuries I think...
Too
soon it ends. Another deer has caught your eye, though before the
annoyance has even a moment to rear it's ugly head, you turn back to
me. Stepping slowly into the icy waters of the pond our thirsts are
quenched. I find myself watching you. The elegant tilt of your head,
the ethereal cast of your coat. I am at a loss with you...
You
step into deeper waters, without question I follow. Though the icy grip
of the pond sends pleadings of agony up my limbs, I care not. As I lay
by you I feel at peace.
Oh how I wish I knew your name...
>>A
helpful note. Deer mentioned: Virgil, Kaoori, Sambreel, Yurei(I think),
Ephra, Darcy, Rowan (I believe that is everyone whose characters I
knew.)
