The waters have taken her away now
and even with that knowledge I still can not cast the memories aside.
The knowledge of my horrible actions. I play that final moment over and
over again though my mind screams at me in agony to stop. I can not.
The true horror of my actions is showing through. The pain is still
there. Crawling beneath my flesh, feeding at every twitching muscle.
Her death did nothing.
I am a monster.
My
hooves drag through thick mud, sodden grasses. Even this rain, the
first I have felt in my dark little world, can not wash away my guilt,
my pain. I stagger on, to where, I do not know.
A gasp wrenches
from my throat. The first of many and my legs can hold me no longer. I
slam into the cold, wet embrace of the earth, not caring if the mud
covers me, coats me. It is merely a reflection of the filth that
resides within. Wracking sobs tear through me, their pain a thousand
times the sting of before. Her death has not saved me, it has drug me
further into misery. I can not stop the tears, hot as the blood I had
shed burning down the false mockery of my face.
My legs thrash,
hooves gouging wounds in the weeping earth as they had torn them into
her soft, innocent flesh. Why? Why had it lied to me?! This was worse,
oh so much worse. A silent scream rips its way from my burning throat.
I can not breathe.
This was wrong, all so wrong. It should have ended with her. Her innocence...
I
lay, trembling. For how long I do not know. The cooling drops from the
crying sky trickle down my face, lend relief to my burning body. I can
breathe now. All is clearer. My guilt, my pain, it is fading.
A
final shudder slides through me. I will shed no more tears for you
little one, for I have been fooled again. Even the young, those
beautiful faerie beasts, are not without sin. How perfect they seem,
how soft, warm. It is all lies. My search must begin again. I must take
the greatest care.
I will not be tricked again.
